the times, like the leaves, are a changing
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Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Space

So this past weekend was Christmas weekend and my parents were in town for the holidays. Most of the weekend was fantastic. We all got along and I was able to spend the holiday with my parents and Josh, which was something new for me. What was supposed to be a completely seamless and fun weekend for all, shortly became a huge ball of stress for me. To say it was overwelming and challenging would be a serious understatement.


Christmas Eve's Eve
Finally getting my parents out of Ohio for the holidays was a venture in itself and one should be commended for that, but to entertain and make sure everyone was comfortable and having fun took a lot of hardwork and patience. The day after they got here I took everyone to dinner and a show at the Jazz Standard. My dad is a huge jazz fan and i figured this would be a great christmas gift idea for him. I was right...he didn't stop talking about it for at least the next 3 hours. Needless to say we had a good time. It was the second night I had spent with Josh and my parents together and it went off without a hitch.

Christmas Eve: It's time for SHOPPING!
It was BITCH getting these lazy buggers out of bed. My dad is the slowest moving human being on the planet. We're all ready and where is this man? In the damn bathroom making us wait on him. And wait...before this, where was he when we were all ready and ready to go...effing around in the damn kitchen and taking forever. We get to the mall around 7:30am. Now last night I said I wanted to be out of the house by 6:30 so i could be there right before the mall opens so I could have time to prepare and get into shopping mode selecting the stores I wanted to hit first. Instead we got there late and people had already been picking through and streaming the stores.

First Strike!

I'll save the boring details of the day, because they're minimal, but I will say this...it was a tactical, dodging and secretive day that ended somewhat ok. The rest of the day, post 6pm, was spent preparing Christmas dinner and wrapping gifts.

Christmas Day:
I awaken to a tree stuffed under with gifts all different shapes and sizes, some still unwrapped because of lack of time and exhaustions. After geeting up and around, we all go back to finishing up and prepping for dinner. Most of us were still tired and groggy but Josh seemed bursting with energy and Christmas spirit. This is one of the things I love about him...in moderation.
We end up opening gifts around 12 or 1pm I think; late by most people's standards. Everyone mostly got what they wanted. The first drama started with my mom. She was, as usual, disappointed with what she got from my dad. This man NEVER listens to what she wants. For the last (at least) 15 years, all she's asked for is a decent sized diamond solitaire. Well needless to say, she didn't get it...AGAIN. She got a high tech toaster, some pearl earrings and some made for tv aromatherapy heat pads! SHIT she soooooo did not want or need. So her day was spoiled from the start until I gave her an iPod nano! The only other thing she ACTUALLY asked for. This made her happy. She wore and listened to it for the rest of the day. It made me happy to make her happy.

The second set of drama that ensued wasn't as bad as the first, but it did not feel that great. I went out the day before and shopped my ass of for Josh. My parents were easy to shop for, because I always have an idea of what they like and want, but Josh is atypical. He doesn't like what most people like. I bought him a ski coat so he could use it on the ski trip we're going on tomorrow...he didn't like it. He wanted another coat that wasn't as versatile and not as good looking (in my eyes). I also bought him a new wallet that I thought he was eyeing because he wanted another wallet like his but in black...he didn't like it at first. He said I wanted a brown one. I said you already have one...I thought this was the point of getting the black one. He got a sweater from my parents from Banana Republic. NICE sweater. Light grey half-zip wool and camel material. His response: it makes me look too white and I have enough of these kind of sweaters. I've only seen 2 of the sweaters he's talking about. Next gift was from Ruehl. I found these really great heavy weight hoodies and bought 2 of them. I thought it'd be cute for us to have them. Mine's grey and his is dark grey/black. It looks really good on him. This gift he actually adored. The next gift was a leather belt from A+F. He desparately needed this gift because I wanted mine back. LOL.

So out of 5 gifts, he liked 2. I was crushed. After trying really hard to figure out what he'd like the most, it felt like I didn't know him at all. Before Christmas he says to me "I pay attention to things all year to make sure I get what people want for gifts." This is pressure, however subtle you may want to catergorize it. Immediately I started watching to see what he liked or would like to have. I knew he wanted a digital camera and the coat but it was going to have to be one or the other based on budget so I picked the one I thought he'd get the most use out of. I guess I wasn't paying enough attention because he tells me "I wanted a toy(s) and not clothes".

Second Strike!

Day After Christmas: Off to the Mall!...Again
After hitting two malls early in the day, Josh and I came back to grab something to eat and chill out with my parents for a bit until we were ready to go out again. This time my dad wanted to tag along to pick up a few things. So while he was shopping, we did the same and went to return a few items and shop for Josh's digital camera. After that we then waited for him to finish. We got back to the apartment a little after 9pm and I started to clean up the kithcen and the rest of the apartment a little. At this point in the evening, I just wanted to be left alone because I had been going for like 54 hours...seriously! Josh comes into the kitchen and is being his usual lovey dovey self. It was ok, but I really wanted to be alone, and I made that clear. He finally let me be, but was then back after awhile and started in again. This time I was a little more aggressive and he got upset with me. I finally got my peace, but at the expense on making him feel bad. I'm sure everyone has gone through this...just wanting to be left alone? We wound up arguing. He just didn't get that you have to act a little bit more different around parents...least of all, my parents.

Third Strike!

They're just getting comfortable with me being gay and then to have Josh there reminding them of the fact and us arguing was just too much for me. I wanted him there but it felt like he was trying not to be left out the entire time and that wasn't my intention. I've always know that he likes a lot of attention, but at the holiday, it was multiplied and I had to juggle too many things at once and couldnt handle it anymore so I blew up. I had had enough and I was tired of coddling and catering to him. I was tired of cuddling, I was tired of kissing. I wasn't trying to be a dick, but I just wanted some damned time and space to decompress. He went to bed angry, but we wound up waking up O.K. I think? Haven't really had a chance to talk about things, but I have a feeling this is going to be a repeat discussion about me and my space. It's something that I treasure and need to survive and I don't know how to get him to understand that delicate balance between being together and being apart on a day to day basis.

Getting tired of this. I'll write/edit more later.

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